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Home ? Your Videos ? Constructive criticism on Beware of the Bench

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29/10/2010 09:40:21

toonaramaMuvizu mogulExperimental user
toonarama
Posts: 661 		Some users have kindly provided some comments on my Raindance submission The Bench but what would be really helpful to me now would be some constructive criticism. So, if you have the time can you take a look and provide any comments you have. Be as critical as you want I don't mind!


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29/10/2010 10:19:12

artpenMuvizu mogulExperimental user
artpen
Posts: 362 		Hi toonarama, I've already commented on your vid, but I know you're a perfectionist so here we go.
like I've said before, the sound needs to be right, I'm talking crystal clear, its something I'm working on!
Your idea is funny, and good. I've watched the winners vids, and to be honest if yours and many others had
Worked harder on your fancy fades, titles, greenscreen chromakey you would have been in with a shout mate.
Like me, I was confused about what you could do with post editing software, but by the looks of it the winner As
good as it is, is jam full of post edit special effects.
Here's a tip, why don't you go full hog and re edit it with all the trimmings.
Cheers, all the best toonarama
edited by artpen on 10/29/2010
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29/10/2010 16:54:55

toonaramaMuvizu mogulExperimental user
toonarama
Posts: 661 		Many thanks for your comments Artpen.
I'm afraid I'm not a perfectionist and therein lies one of my problems in that I'm probably satisfied with the look a bit too soon.
I agree with you about the sound - I know I found it especially difficult to work out the correct balance between SFX, dialogue and soundtrack.
Also I don't think I have mastered the art of making the characters interact with each other convincingly which is something I think both you and ukberty have mastered better than anyone else so far.

Thanks again

Toonarama
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29/10/2010 18:58:47

artpenMuvizu mogulExperimental user
artpen
Posts: 362 		Pleasure toonarama, keep on making great toons Thumbs Up
edited by artpen on 10/29/2010
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31/10/2010 01:15:56

ziggy72Muvizu mogulExperimental user
ziggy72
Posts: 1988 		I'm assuming by 'constructive' that you mean 'don't hold back', so here goes...(and please remember, I'm trying to help you see this from an arbitary point of view to let you know what the average punter thinks, this isn't personal!)

Your initial camera setups are good, but then don't change (a common problem it seems). Unless there's a particular reason to frame a shot a certain way, it's a good idea to move the camera to somewhere else between shots to keep it interesting for the viewer.

Your aliens are looking straight ahead for the most part (another common problem!). Looking down at the console in front of them with their eyes and head looks better than just head alone. Similarly, your heroine doesnt react at all when asked if she hears a noise. Also, when your hero gets abducted, she stands up then sits down again for no reason. Take two...

When the two aliens advance on our hero, his head intersects the right alien. Golden rule of computer animation - never show clipping. Blows the whole thing. Also, it's just one shot - a cut to show a closeup of our hero reacting, or a reverse to show the aliens advancing would have been more engaging. When our hero is beamed up to the ship, you can see him intersect the bottom of it - cutting away a few frames earlier would have looked better.

The alien asking "what do you look like" has no sync betwen his words and his mouth - you're limited by Muvizu at this point of course, so Take Two, let's go again people...

The UFO is round, but the interior is all squared off, and overly bright and cheerful looking. Mind you, they are fashion victims...

The landscape the couple are sitting in is completely void of character. It might seem odd to refer to a landscape as having character, but they do. A horizon line showing hills, or trees, or a cityscape would have added depth and interest. Also, a few bushes and shrubbery (bring me a Shrubbery!!) would have made it less bare looking.

Last thing - lighting. You did a nice job of setting the mood, but I would have tried a little more to use the lights to help shape and define the objects in the movie. In particular, the shot of the UFO when our hero jumps from it (or is he ejected?). The UFO is just a solid green, with little definition to show it's curves.

It is tedious to have to go back and redo shots again and again to get it exactly right, but that's what you gotta do to make something that really engages the viewer, and doesn't distract them with thoughts of 'oh, that bit's wrong' or 'why did that happen?'. Hope all this helps, and that you appreciate I'm talking to everyone else out there too, not just yourself (especially the clipping - please people, it's easy to avoid if you take the time). Anyway, keep up the good work!
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31/10/2010 09:16:57

toonaramaMuvizu mogulExperimental user
toonarama
Posts: 661 		Ziggy72



Thank you very much for your feedback - that is exactly what I was looking for and greatly appreciate the time and effort you have put in. I think it would be an excellent idea if there was a dedicated area of the site where people could submit their work for detailed criticism.




A lot of us are beginners and would greatly benefit from the input of other more experienced animators. I would happily pay for such a level of critique.




There is loads of great advice in there and hopefully (given time) I will be able to put some of it into practice.




I will respond more later but for now many thanks.




Toonarama
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31/10/2010 11:28:00

toonaramaMuvizu mogulExperimental user
toonarama
Posts: 661 		From the feedback received I think I have the following lessons to learn

1. More camera movement to add variety(although I created my animation before this was available).

2. Avoid characters looking straight into camera.

3. Take more care over conveying a character. I deliberately made the girlfriend unresponsive as a contrast to her "jumpy" boyfriend but I guess I needed to give her some movement to prove I hadn't forgotten about her!

4. Arbitrary standing/sitting - this was a bug at one time and I couldn't control the buggers from assuming their original position. I think this was fixed at the last release and I should have gone back and corrected.

5. Avoid using moves which could be interpreted as mistakes. I did notice the clipping but I thought I would leave it in as it would perhaps look like the alien was assimilating his clothes in some way. My 13 year old son said it wpuld just like a mistake. I should have listened!

6. I made my animation before post processing was deemed allowable by the rules so I attempted to partly offset this by including a number of sets within a set and using separate cameras to move between them but this had the obvious impact of reducing the available camera angles in each scene.
Alternative solution required.

7. Take more care over where cuts are made.

8. Check lip syncing and redo if required.

9. Spend more time with sets and lighting. This is a particular problem for me because I have an underspec PC which means expansive sets are out of the question and very time consuming and frustrating to build. But if I want the results I need to go the extra mile

10. And finally summed up by you in a nutshell. It is tedious to have to go back and redo shots again and again to get it exactly right, but that's what you gotta do to make something that really engages the viewer, and doesn't distract them with thoughts of 'oh, that bit's wrong' or 'why did that happen?'.

Muvizu makes it very easy to produce something which is passable very quickly but I guess that's where the work should start!

Your input has helped me immensly and like you believe it will help others too.

Thank you very much.
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